A Mindful Approach to Uncertainty: An Interview with Mindfulness Teacher Paula Vital

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So much of our lives in spent trying to plan for the future and control the outcomes of events. We meticulously schedule our time expecting everything to unfold just as how we imagined.

Then 2020 came – the year of uncertainty. We realized that the world is indifferent to our preferences and desires. So how can we remain grounded and put things into perspective in this chaotic time?


I met Paula through the mindfulness program at my work, and reached out to her thoughts and insights on how mindfulness can help us deal with many of the challenges we face today.   

Paula Vital is an award-winning coach, speaker and writer dedicated to helping you move from striving to thriving by accessing the power of the present moment.  A lawyer by training and senior advisor in the Ontario Public Service, Paula is very familiar with the challenges of balancing a stressful work-life with time for family and self-care. 

Paula has been involved in health and wellness for over 20 years, and is a certified yoga teacher, Body Flow instructor, National Fitness instructor, and avid mindfulness practitioner and coach.

Paula has completed Levels I and II of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction training, has two yoga certifications (Classical Hatha and Vinyasa), attended numerous silent meditation retreats, and studied with world-renowned yoga and meditation teachers such as Sharon Salzberg, Phillip Moffitt, Stephen Cope and Michael Stone.  She is in the process of becoming an Internationally Certified Yoga Therapist (IAYT 2021).

Paula is committed to finding joy and balance in her own life and helping others to do the same.

You can learn more about her work through her free course of 3 Minute Meditations: 3 Minutes to Your Greatest Self on her website, www.livethepresent.ca.

  1. How did you first learn about and begin practicing meditation and other contemplative practices?

I was a lawyer on Bay Street and after having worked so hard to achieve that, I felt disappointed and let down by the experience. 

My whole life I had spent chasing after the next achievement, and eventually began to realize that no matter what I gained in the outside world – job success, travel, material goods, even relationships – there was nothing that was bringing me a true sense of contentment and satisfaction.

Luckily my sister meditated – and I thought that was so weird!  Why sit and do nothing when there is so much to DO!!!

But I ran out of options and got curious.  Together we did a course called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, based on the Jon Kabat-Zinn model.  During that course, I realized that there is value in just Being, and that I am more than my thoughts. 

This insight was revolutionary!  If I am more than my thoughts, and my thoughts are not always true or helpful, then who or what am I?

This was in 2006, and I have spent my life since that point exploring, and eventually teaching, that very question.  Once we can observe our thoughts without judgment, we realize our unlimited and interconnected nature, tapping into and endless wellspring of love, compassion and joy.

2. What changes have you noticed since you began practicing meditation?

My whole perspective on life is completely different!

I used to spend my days planning for the future and tackling my To-Do list, never feeling completely satisfied and always feeling rushed, and that I had not done enough.

Now, my only job is to reconnect with the present moment and the one that is observing the whole thing.  I then take one small action at a time and do it with complete love and surrender, to the best of my ability. 

Turns out that when we worry less about outcomes and relax our expectations about the future, a beautiful future unfolds effortlessly.

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3. The concept of ‘Acceptance’ or ‘Surrender’ is commonly discussed amongst spiritual practitioners such as Eckart Tolle. What does this idea mean to you?

We have no control over the outcomes of our actions.  We have full control over our intention and the actions that we take in the present moment.  Surrender is to let go of the fruits of your action, but completely devote yourself to bringing your full energy and heart to each and every moment.

Surrender also involves checking in at a deep level to see which is the correct action to take in each moment.  This requires practice and an increasingly deepening connection to the stillness or witness within. Your very own wisdom.

4. We are living in times of uncertainty amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of us know family, friends and loved ones who have been impacted. Further, we don’t quite know when we will get ‘back to normal.’ What advice do you have to stay grounded during this time?

  • Have compassion for yourself.  This is a very difficult time!  Just getting up, getting dressed and getting through the day is an accomplishment.  Congratulate yourself for this.
  • Develop a very simple but nourishing self-care practice.  It could be a walk in nature, 5 minutes of deep breathing, a mindful cup of tea, or some gentle stretches… whatever makes you feel cared for.  Take care of yourself, and everything else will unfold.
  • Connect with another being in some way.  If you live alone, consider adopting a pet.  Human beings thrive on connection.  If you can’t see other people in person, find ways to connect online that are meaningful to you.  Write a letter.  Start a blog.  Whatever will get you in touch with the reality that we are never alone. Turn loneliness into solitude by recognizing your inherent interconnectedness with all beings.

5. Some have looked at this time as an opportunity critically look at how we were living prior to the pandemic and make broader societal changes. How can we create a more beautiful world after the pandemic? What changes do you hope to see?

There is always something to learn from difficult situations.  Here is what I have learned so far from Covid-19.

  • Working with uncertainty is a very helpful skill.  We can practice this in heaps right now.  We don’t know what tomorrow (or the next hour) will bring… how can we let go of the need to know and just enjoy what is already here?  My mother is dying, and each day that I am able to be with her I feel so blessed.  If we are breathing, there is more right with us than wrong with us.  Covid provides an opportunity to recognize this.
  • We go too fast.  In the pre-Covid days, we were all rushing here and there.  Rush rush rush. Never enough time.  For some of us, the cancellation of everything (and the realization that anything can be cancelled!) gave us a much needed breather and an opportunity to sloooooow down… slow is good.
  • Flexibility is the key to continuing to make a contribution.  I have needed to learn much more technology than I am comfortable with, and had to homeschool my kids while working during a large chunk of the pandemic.  I tend to enjoy plans, routines and structures, and while I still had these they often went out the window with crying and fighting children or zoom calls that dropped.  I learned to have a sense of humour and trust that things don’t need to be perfect.  I can adapt, we can work together, and somehow we will get through it all.  Working from home has been a huge gift to me as well!
  • Connections, connections, connections.  It is so easy to feel lonely and overwhelmed in this scary and unpredictable world.  But we are not alone!  We are all in this together, literally the whole world!!!  I have found ways to connect with teachers that I could only have dreamed of learning with as they now have offerings online, found a new yoga studio I never would have gone to as it is far away (but now virtual!), and cherished my friends and family and our loving connections, whether distanced or online.  Nothing is more important than our relationships, and Covid has taught us that.

Hopefully our post-Covid world will not forget these lessons of relaxing with uncertainty, slowing down, staying flexible, and connecting with others. And of course the environmental benefits!!!  May those continue!!!

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6.  Lastly, any final thoughts, books, articles etc. you would like to share?

Self-Compassion – Kristin Neff

When Things Fall Apart – Pema Chodron

Full Catastrophe Living – Jon Kabat-Zinn

We have no control over the outcomes of our actions.  We have full control over our intention and the actions that we take in the present moment.  Surrender is to let go of the fruits of your action, but completely devote yourself to bringing your full energy and heart to each and every moment.

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On Solitude

If I could I would spend the better part of my time in solitude. Preferably it would be surrounded by the beauty of nature.

The splendour of the trees and flow of the sparkling rivers drown out the noisy sounds of the busy city streets. For what is nature itself but a grand cathedral.

It is in solitude where one can rest in a state of contemplation, and be at peace with oneself.

Blinded by the trivialities of day to day life, we forget to admire the beauty that is close to home – that which is right in front of us. 

In a culture that tends to place a great emphasis on extroversion, perhaps we have long forgotten the wisdom bestowed to us by the great religious and spiritual leaders.  From the likes of Moses to Jesus and the Buddha, all these spiritual teachers sought to temporarily detach themselves from society in pursuit of the self-transcendence available to us through introspection.  

For how can one truly know thyself, and be free from the pressures and demands of modern society without an embrace of stillness.

I can continue to ramble on about the importance of cultivating solitude, but it would ultimately pale in comparison to the exquisite words of the great writers and poets.

So here are three of my favourite quotes and reflections, each exploring a different aspect of the topic.

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Rainer Maria Rilke

But your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths

Letters to a Young Poet

The esteemed poet Rilke reflects on the necessity of solitude for personal and spiritual growth. Rilke acknowledges that time alone will come with discomfort as your mind unravels the fears and emotions hidden in the unconscious. However, only through stillness can one learn to accept and surrender these parts of themselves in order to transcend them.

We can escape from the demands of conformity placed on us by society, and relish in the peace and bliss that comes with cultivating our inner selves.  

Herman Hesse

True action, good and radiant action, my friends, does not spring from activity, from busy bustling, it does not spring from industrious hammering. It grows in the solitude of the mountains, it grows on the summits where silence and danger dwell. It grows out of the suffering which you have not yet learned to suffer

If the War Goes On: Reflections on War and Politics

Many of us spend our day to day lives stuck in the trance of busyness. We feel like we always ought to be doing something to feel important, to validate our self worth.

How little do we often spend time though on reflecting on the value and consequences of this ‘busyness’?

What can we genuinely achieve without modest self-reflection?

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Hesse comments that on the other side of suffering that our aloneness may bring, comes the bliss of solitude, peace and beauty.    

It is only when an individual voluntarily chooses and embraces seclusion can one reap its benefits. That is, one who spends time alone must be able to regulate their emotions and rejoin or re-enter social groups at their own will.

Once these preconditions are met, and one is able to ‘let go’ and accept their condition of solitude, it can provide us with the rejuvenation and insight we need.

Anthony Storr

It is widely believed that interpersonal relationships of an intimate kind are the chief, if not the only, source of human happiness. Yet the lives of creative individuals often seem to run counter to this assumption. For example, many of the world’s greatest thinkers have not reared families or formed close personal ties. This is true of Descartes, Newton, Locke, Pascale, Spinoza, Kant, Leibniz, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard and Wittgenstein

Solitude: A Return to the Self

Contrary to popular belief, it is not being in the physical presence of others that can subdue feelings of isolation. What matters is the connection or bond one has to others, themselves or their natural surroundings.

We can feel emotions of bitter loneliness while sitting in a packed room while embracing the benefits of solitude when we are alone with ourselves.

This is not to disregard the importance of intimate interpersonal relationships, rather it is to note that there are different alternatives and ways of life available to us. There is no one template one must follow to attain contentment in life.    

However, with all the anxieties we face in the modern world, it is good to still know we can always retreat into stillness – into solitude.

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The sources I pulled from were mainly from the excellent blogs Brain Pickings and Academy of Ideas which are great resources for philosophy and literature.

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The Modern Alienated Individual: A Closer Look at Fight Club

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We achieved everything we ever wanted and more. We’ve built technologies which elevate humanity to the status of gods. We’ve tamed and controlled nature to align with our needs, and built industrial playgrounds for the flourishing of economic progress and industry.

Yet underneath the bright screens, fancy clothes and luxury cars lies an individual who is deeply disconnected with the world. They pride themselves in their status but are unable to authentically connect with others. They feel like strangers in their own society, feeling the pull to conform with the latest trends in consumer products.

I do not wish to seem naïve or ignorant. I of course value the comforts and opportunities that living in the 21st century has afforded me. However, despite all this exponential progress, I think we have to remember what we have lost in modernity. With our laser focus economic growth and individualism we have abandoned our need for genuine connection, community and wisdom.  

One of the movies which explores the issues that we still wrestle with today is Fight Club. Originally adapted from Chuck Palahniuk’s novel, Fight Club tells the story of a depressed middle-aged man who desperately seeks to escape the chains of a monotonous consumer-based culture. The narrator and his imaginary alter-ego (known as Tyler Durden) starts a fight club as an attempt to liberate themselves from nihilism and existential dread.

Let’s look at some of the key quotes and themes of the movie to see how it applies in our modern-day society.

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Consumerism  

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need, and the things you own, end up owning you.

The endless flow of advertisements that we are flooded with in our day to day lives try to subvert the distinction between want and need.

We too easily fall into the trap of the hedonic treadmill.  The luxury items we purchase soon loose their glamour, status and prestige. We feel like we have to keep up with the latest trends to gain acceptance and approval from our peers.

In an attempt to gain status or recognition from society, we needlessly spend a fortune on luxury brands when much cheaper goods can fulfill the same exact function. A Rolex and a plastic watch purchased from a convenience store, while widely differ in price, both perform the same purpose of telling time.

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It is like we are running after a moving target.  

However, few realize that no purchase can ever fully quench our desires – the void remains unfilled.  

Alienation and the Loss of Community

This was freedom. Losing all hope was freedom. If I didn’t say anything, people in a group assumed the worst. They cried harder. I cried harder. Look up into the stars and you’re gone. Walking home after a support group, I felt more alive than I’d ever felt.

To deal with his insomnia the narrator frequently attends various different support groups. Devoid of any social life or genuine friendships, these groups provide him with a sense of connection , community and companionship.

Despite the low cost of connectivity in our society, the issues of loneliness and isolation in our society have been well documented. A trend which is  most prevalent with middle-aged men.

The sociologist Robert Putnam talks about a decline in what he calls ‘social capital’. That is, the social bonds, connections and networks which he argues is responsible for a loss of trust in political and societal institutions.

Putnam notes that the social fabric, that ties us together as individuals in a society, has been eroding in the later half of the twentieth century. In his book Bowling Alone, his research points to several trends which he claims are responsible for this decline including: the proliferation of electronic entertainment, suburban sprawl and changes to family structure.

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The consequences of this for our individual and collective wellbeing are dire.  Perhaps this has been most evident in recent years, as we have become more polarized and divisive, unable to compromise and empathize with others.      

Yes, we have gained more individual freedoms and liberties, but we have become more isolated and egotistical. We have pursued individualism and self-interest at the cost of meaning and belonging that comes with being in a community.

Nihilism: The Loss of Meaning

We don’t have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. We have a spiritual depression.                    

The irony of the film is that the men who joined Fight Club as a means to escape the chains of consumerism, end up being drawn into another ideological group, Project Mayhem.

We must ask the question why are our minds so easily manipulated? Why do we so easily move from one dogma to another?

When individuals lose purpose or meaning in their lives, they can be more suspectable to be seduced by extremism and reactionary political ideologies. The most frightening examples of this of course can be seen in the rise of the totalitarian regimes in the 20th century.

As mentioned in several of my other articles, John Vervaeke as well as many other thinkers, attributes this crisis in meaning to the loss of wisdom and spiritual practices that were provided to us mainly through religions. With the erosion of many of our spiritual and cultural traditions through the secularization of modern society , many of us come face to face with what Victor Frankl called the ‘existential vacuum’. Frankl says these feelings of existential angst are manifested through boredom and distress. While our modern culture tells us we ought to fill this void through the pursuit of short-term hedonistic pleasures, Frankl reminds us that the solution rather is to pursue what is truly meaningful for us.

Conclusion

Admittingly, this article presents a pretty gloomy depiction of modern life. However, I do see the emergence of philosophies, spiritual practices and communities that aim to help us deal the existential issues we are dealing with in the modern era.

From the re-emergence of interest in Eastern practices such as meditation and yoga, to the revival of ancient Greek philosophy such as Stoicism and to the research being done in the possibilities of psychedelics to address the mental health crisis, I see a thirst for wisdom and meaning on the horizon.   

The present may be grim, but I remain an optimist.  

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